Coup D'Etat!

Rank	Arashi Ranking Favorite (Top) to Least Favorite (Bottom)

There's been an upset in the rankings!  Ninomiya's recent smarminess has landed him down with the likes of Sakurai Sho.  (Whom I really don't hate.  Sho is totally...Sho-tastic.)  ::sigh::  I had tried so hard not to become a Matsumoto Jun fangirl, but it looks like that just wasn't in the cards.  Even if he's a whore for attention and probably a kinesthetic learner, the man can stand like nobody's business.

Ah well, Fandom is a volatile nation; I'm sure a new order will crop up within a month or so.

Who's the Lead Actor, Again?

Uta no Onii-san could have been titled The New Ohno Satoshi Vehicle.  It's an adorable show (I watched all eight episodes in two days), but wow do they want you to know that Ohno Satoshi is the star.  If you think an episode goes by without a reference to Arashi or the name Ohno, then you weren't paying attention.

"Why do we have to smile all the time?  It's not like we're idols or anything?"
"Hey, you look a lot like that guy...Ohno-san?"
And Sakurai Sho even cameos to promote his Yatterman.  (Sho seems to be making a hobby of guest-starring in friends' dramas.  Luckily he's got his own coming up and won't stay "the guest-spot guy" forever.)

Aside from Uta making the same joke every episode, the show has a lot of high points.  There are fights in animal costumes, kids mauling Ohno, and a supercool female lead.  Ohno's pretty good at playing the mildly grumpy Kenta, and we get to see a lot of classic "Ohno faces." 

 There's also Ohno getting kicked off a slide by some precocious Kindergarteners...

Two spastic running montages...

...and this guy.

This is just the first episode, people.  It's definitely a fun watch.

Quiz Update: Urgent!

I've been having too much fun taking random Arashi quizzes online.  You must be intrigued, so here are the overall results:

I will marry...

• 4 quizzes say Sakurai Sho
• 1.5 quizzes say Aiba Masaki
• 1.5 quizzes say Ninomiya Kazunari
• 1 quiz says Matsumoto Jun 
• 1 quiz says Ohno (Oh, no!) Satoshi

I am most similar to...

• 1 quiz says Sakurai Sho
• 1 quiz says Aiba Masaki
• 1 quiz says Ohno (Oh, no!) Satoshi

For the last time, Sakurai Sho, I will not marry you.  I just can't spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn't know if his underwear is on backwards.  Also, I already have a lovely husband.

Ow...

If I can tell it's bad Japanese, it's bad Japanese.  And step off the Arashi songs, EastWest Boys.  It takes a special kind of bad singing and sparkle power to pull those off, and you don't have it. 

On the other hand, you are 90s-tastic.  Is anyone else having New Kids/Power Rangers flashbacks?

Anyway, good luck with your latest boyband, Japan.  Please don't let me see their singles on the Oricon charts.

Winning Streak!

I don't know about compatability, but the guy can pull off Domyoji's ridiculous hair.  (And stand like a demon.)  Also, this quiz is from a real Japanese magazine and not some random fangirl.  Definitely...more reliable...I'm getting too into this. 

Arashi Kizuna Quiz: 

D. Matsumoto Jun
The truth is you're shy, and the one that would suit the shy you is Matsujun. Eventhough at a glance you seem cool, behind the surface you have passionate and heartful side, so probably you're kinda similar to him. Because he's someone who holds feelings importantly, it's also important for you to carefully make conversation. Because he's a soft-hearted person, if you take time to understand each other, you will be able to go along with him for a long time.

Evidence of Domyoji hair: 









Evidence of standing: (the middle one)

YES!

Take that, other quizzes!  Being Ohno (Oh, no!) Satoshi is the best.  And everyone knows he is NOT married to Sakurai Sho. 

Which Arashi member are you? Your Result:

You're SATOSHI (alias Oh-chan) OHNO!! You are the fearless (what? fearless? :p) leader of ARASHI, you are the epitome of entertainment, and not to mention you are the ideal son for all the wonderful, loving mothers around the world! You can sing, you can dance, you can make people smile, and your intense CAPOEIRA skills would make evildoers feel completely intimidated by YOU!

Stalker

QuizFarm, you are a liar.  Also, people who make Arashi quizzes:  Sakurai Sho is not that smart.  I know he went to college, but look at the things he puts on his head.  An academian he is not.

You Scored as Sakurai Sho

You're most compatible with Sho! You have a good head on your shoulders and have a broad outlook on life. Sho seems to prefer someone who is able to perceive the world and take it in stride - with him, you get a traveling companion. Results based on a 2006 translated interview about ideal marriages - therefore, you may want to take everything with a grain of salt. ;)

Sakurai Sho

80%

Ninomiya Kazunari

70%

Matsumoto Jun

68%

Ohno Satoshi

65%

Aiba Masaki

53%

New Ultimate Goal:  Take one of these quizzes and not get Sakurai Sho as a result.  There are five of them, for crying out loud!

NOOOO!

Quizzila, you are wrong!

Which Arashi Member Is Your True Lover? Your Result:

Congrats! Your true lover is Sakurai Sho! Unfortunetely, he is already married to ME, Norika (wahahaha)...
You are a type of girl that is very open and friendly. You can talk about anything: even SEX! You are very comfortable with who you are, and you have a very special and memorable personality. A strong woman that can take care of herself, AND her man!

I even retook the quiz to purposely weed Sho out.  (No offense, Sakurai Sho.  You're awesome, but not that awesome.  As always, your choice of headgear is questionable.)  

This Is A Formula That Should Not Work

Plunging ever further into Japanese pop culture, I've taken a hiatus from J-dramas and moved on to the hard stuff--variety shows.  This genre is Japan at its goofiest, and even supercool boy bands like Arashi are not exempt from being made fools of.  In fact, the band has hosted over 300 episodes of weird variety show wonder.  

Prime example:  The picture above features Aiba Masaki enthusiastically executing his "A no Arashi" pose (with help from Assistant Sakurai Sho).  It's a segment where he gets really excited doing pointless scientific experiments.  For example, finding out what happens when you put binoculars on and try to run a hurdle race.  Also (true story), does wearing a suit of mirrors make you invisible?  (The answer, sadly, is no.)

Now, this should not make for good TV.  Yet, it does.  Shall we guess some reasons?

Reasons!  Which are true? 
1. Cut guys are cut guys, no matter how stupid they act.
2.  Wacky hijinks make pop stars (who are usually up on a pedestal) seem more accessible.  ("If this guy's willing to do such ridiculous things," thinks the fangirl, "it's not too much of a stretch to think he'd date me.")
3.  Wacky hijinks make pop stars easier to identify with.  ("These guys remind me of my friends and I.  I should buy their album.")
4.  Who doesn't want to see wacky hijinks?  No one, that's who.
Conclusion:  It's fun!

I have to confess that all four of those thoughts crossed through my mind as I watched episodes of ridiculous Arashi variety shows this weekend.  In fact, I plan on starting Aiba's new drama (My Girl) because of how semi-on-purpose funny he is during his experiments.  These shows are yet another cog in the wheel of highly effective Johnny and Associates marketing.  Perhaps N'Snyc, etc. would still be around if they'd followed suit?   

PS:  Utaban is probably the best of the bunch here.  Pop singing veteran Nakai torments his juniors.  Jeffer has the hook-up to even better moments at LiveJournal.

Mission: Failed

I had a theory that every Arashi song has the word omoide (memories) in it at least once.  Wordle was all too happy to disprove me.

Needs Adopted

I'm trying to talk my husband into adopting Arashi's Aiba Masaki.  Who cares if he's six months older than either one of us?  What with the apparent lack of common sense and frequent air-headed comments, he needs looking after.  If someone in the group is going to do something ridiculous and then screw it up...probably it's Aiba.  No offense, Aiba Masaki, these things just make you more adoptable. 

Also, we have a dog who would take great care of him.  Animals, children, and old people all love him:  Totally the "Yuki" of the group.

It's All That Sakurap...

Rank	Arashi Ranking Favorite (Top) to Least Favorite (Bottom)

Sorry, Sakurai Sho.  Oddly enough, Aiba Masaki had been at the bottom until this magical haunted house episode convinced me otherwise. 

Fandom is so fun!

Married

They definitely are. 

Not really, but they are pretty funny to watch.  Ninomiya Kazunari and Ohno (Oh, no!) Satoshi reach levels of goofdom typically reserved for high school guys.  But they are grown now.

I'm pretty sure this is the key to Arashi's ten years of popularity.  (And no, not just the are-they-aren't-they faux sexual tension that the slash fangirls enjoy so much--though I'm sure that's exploited as much as possible.)  The entire group seems to get along really well.  Even though their music can be dumb, they always seem like they're having a good time singing it.  Their concert costumes are worse than anything Robbie Williams could have designed in rehab, but they apparently don't mind making fools of themselves or looking ridiculous in hot pink cowboy shirts and shiny blue pants.  

Sure, I could say that listening to Arashi is a good way to learn a foreign language.  I could make the case that their lyrics are actually thoughtful when compared to other boy bands'.  Those are secondary to the fact that these boys have charisma out the wazoo.  They're having fun, and it's infectious.

All this fraternity makes me miss my best friend.  If Arashi can text each other six times a day, I can certainly learn to text and get back in touch with her.

New ultimate goal:  Learn how to text!

...And the Lyrics Aren't So Hot, Either

Awesome GAP commercial; terrible music video.  Well, not terrible...but definitely not awesome.  Okay, maybe a little bit awesome....  The lyrics are definitely weird, though!

PS:  Why is Ninomiya Kazunari in my grandmother's shawl?

PPS:  Matsumoto Jun managed to avoid his usual "hobo chic" this time.  Props to you, Matsumoto Jun! (Now pass some style advice on to Mizushima Hiro.)

Better off Lost in Translation

Dear Sakurai Sho,

Do you know what a do-rag is for? Perhaps the Urban Dictionary can elucidate you: A do-rag is "material worn around the head...to ensure that braids last longer than five days" and "originally worn to protect a 'process' [permed or otherwise treated hair]."

Do you have braids?


Perhaps you have a perm?


Then you should probably not wear a do-rag. Even if you do at some time decide to try out one of the above-mentioned hairstyles, you will still look dumb if you wear a do-rag on stage.

Sincerely,
Useless Ivory

PS: Also, throwing faux gang signs may not be your best choice.

PPS: You'll want to watch the video in that last link at 2 minutes, 53 seconds.